You probably didn’t read it here first

28 02 2011

But the new government is doomed.

That’s right, before it even sits a day in the Dáil they are out to dry. And here is the reason why….

Irish politicians are populist imbeciles who have no more ability to run an altruistic government for the good of the people than the average baboon in Dublin Zoo.

I mean that. Every word of it is true as far as I can see. Instead of forming a working coalition with the aim of sorting out the mess we are in I predict, with a certain degree if confidence, that the coalition will nit pick and scrap and do nothing but their utmost to hamper each other. Labour will be doing their best to represent their lord and master Jack O’Connor in keeping the public sector bloated and Fine Gael will be trying to play the good capitalists by privatising the shit out of everything, including several tens of thousands of public sector jobs that Eamon Gilmore has promised to protect, making a liar out of him should Kenny live up to his own election promises.

Fine Gael and Labour are inherently incompatible from the roots to the shoots and no amount of posturing and post coital schmoozing can belay the fact that center left socialist unionised idealism can never be in government with capitalist right-wing christian euro-centric yes-men to the German Christian Democrats.

Make no mistake about this…. Enda Kenny has absolutely no intention of doing anything regarding the now public bank debt that doesn’t suit Angela Merkel, regardless of what he said in the run up to the election, and if the debt is renegotiated its going to be because the Germans realise that getting a bit back is better than the Irish economy folding and getting nothing back. In other words they will renegotiate because it suits them, not us.

So for now, we all might as well look forward to Election 2012 and live in hope that between now and then the needs of the many don’t indeed outweigh the needs of the few in Europe.


Gerry Adams ate my Dog.

26 02 2011

True Story.

The Barman Cometh…

19 09 2010

You know, and you may if you’ve ever read back on any posts here, I’m no fan of our government.

In fact(aah), I think they are the most inept shower of chancers to ever disgrace any sort of position with their presence. And I’ve worked in recruitment.

In a time when we need pragmatism, we have soundbite merchants doing their best to sidestep questions in their finest Bertie fashion. Keep talking but say nothing. Which was fine when no one cared but now that we need some real people doing some real work talking out the side of your mouth won’t cut the mustard. When we need some real vision we have inept managerial types fussing about who to appoint blame to. When we need integrity we have…. well you know what, I’m going to leave that one alone for fear of stabbing myself in the eye out of rage.

However, my general dislike for politicians in general and Fianna Fail specifically not withstanding, I honestly feel the current diatribe against Brian Cowen is undeserved. Ok so he’s a pig-headed buffoon. Fine. He led the country down a dark ally as minister for finance and is now mugging it in the top job. Grand. He has absolutely no idea how he’s supposed to be leading us and where to. Granted. He is presiding over a bunch of half brained gombeen men hell-bent on ignoring the problem untill it goes away all by itself and in the meantime blaming the media for the problem due to their reporting it. You betcha.

Out of all that, surely there is something better we can get him on than being a bit creaky at nine in the morning after a pissup. surely, no? I mean, the man and his gang have been so completely useless so as to land us all at the door of unemployment, poverty, social disorder to the point of near collapse and then all we can seem to get him on is getting a bit rowdy on the beer. Well, maybe we won’t get him on that, and in my humble opinion we shouldn’t. What we should get him and his party on is leading the country to the abyss twice in living memory thanks to the political naivety of us, the Irish masses. In fairness, it was the majority of us, and every one of the fools who didn’t bother their arses to get out and vote last time round who are ultimately responsible for this debacle by keeping them in their gigs.

We. The People.

Now they say it’s an ill wind indeed that blows no good, and I’m guessing if anything good is to come from this it is a mass political awakening by the Irish people. God knows we need it. The apathy needs to stop and stop fast if we are to cease to be the laughing-stock of the world in our constant need to ignore the mechanisms that affect the very living of our individual lives. Politicians can only take us for a ride if we are on board, either by ignorance or design, and I for one suggest we jump the fuck off this wagon before its gone beyond the point of no return with a drunk driver at the wheel.

You know what really grinds my gears?

29 07 2009

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I have been sadly neglecting my brewery. The reasons are many-fold, but in short I have been kept mightily busy by a few pots I have put on the boil since falling foul of the recession a few months ago. A fair bit has went on since I last had the chance to think about any of it, so instead of trying to ignore it and hope it goes away, here is a list of some of the things that have been fucking me off over the last number of weeks. Its in a different font because Ice Broadband are the worst ISP in the history of the universe and in no particular order because I’m lazy.

So, to whit, I give you….


Permanent TSB Interest Rate hikes

So here we have an institution that was so crooked and incompetent that they needed a massive dig out by the tax payer. You know, you. And me. And all the other people. So the government went and charged us all a levy on our wages to stop the shit being slung and to keep the bank nice and liquid. So here we all are. Paying another few bob on our salaries to keep them open regardless of them flat refusing to loan anyone any money and thereby choking small businesses who need finance to operate, unemployed people who want to start a business so they can contribute, and just about anyone who wants to do anything that will cost any money.

This all begs the question…. If a Bank won’t lend money, then what’s it’s purpose?

Oh! That’s right! It’s purpose is to return a dividend to stock holders and to pay fat salaries to managers at the expense of just about everything else. So what we are left with is a huge institution that is sucking the public coffers dry and contributing nothing in return. It is, in all respects, a big black hole in the economy that the government are just fucking money into by the bucket-load and we, the people, are getting nothing out of it. No car finance. No mortgages. No hope. No change there then.

Now, they want to raise mortgage interest rates. Lovely. This exemplifies perfectly the sort of absolute tosspot it takes to run a bank in this country. We are paying more tax to keep you open, now you want to take MORE money out of our pockets in a declining economy in which people have less to give. Correct me if I’m wrong, but shouldn’t the fact that people are already paying a few points more to directly fund your operation straight out of their pay-packets mean that it would be hugely immoral to squeeze them even tighter? Even thugs running extortion rackets have the cop on to know that if you squeeze a business to tight you are going to close them down, effectively putting you directly out of pocket. However, bankers seem to be thinking that people can and will pay as much as they are told to. How? We have now entered a race to the bottom as far as ethical trading in the financial sector is concerned. The last thing any bank should want is a load of negative equity stricken home owners handing back the keys to houses that they will refuse anyone else the finance to buy. Where is the sense?

I suppose it comes down to the scumbag nature of the people running the show and the will to try to find out how much they can get away with before people start crying foul. But, knowing Irish people, that won’t happen (See my next point) and even if it does the government will be available to stand up for the thieving bastards in our financial sector and remind us all how the hunger, misery and unemployment caused by their actions in supporting these moral cesspits with our money is systemic to keeping us all afloat.

Floating on what, I ask.

People who bitch and moan and then do nothing.

You know, there are two things in this life that you have to do. You have to pay tax and you have to die. They are the two big inevitabilities that we are all faced with. Everything else in the world is caused by the consequences of people’s decisions. Its beautifully simple really. Your life is the way it is because you made many, many decisions over the years, the consequences of which have all conspired to lead you to be reading this right now. That makes me feel kind of important, but that’s not important right now. What is important is the fact that sometimes people refuse to make decisions, which leads me to believe that there are people, and quite a few at that, who are only ever happy when they have something to be miserable about.

Here’s how it works. If there is something in your life that is causing you pain or unhappiness then change it. If it’s beyond your power to change then its pointless complaining, because complaining will change nothing,. If it is in your power to change, and most things are, then take the steps that are needed to rectify the situation. Don’t like your job? Get a new one. Hate your partner? Dump them and get with someone who interests you. Its really that simple. So here is the new rule. If you have a gripe about something but are not willing to do anything about it, shut the fuck up. You loose your right to bitch. End of.

Blasphemy law

An outstanding parking fine notwithstanding, I am a law abiding citizen. I cause no trouble for anyone and I try to live life for the good of myself and everyone around me. I do my best not to step on anyone’s toes or be a nuisance. Sometimes its unavoidable, but that’s life, isn’t it. I can annoy people sometimes. Sometimes people annoy me too, but I’m an adult and I deal with it. I realise its hard to agree with everyone and the best you can hope for sometimes is to just agree to disagree and get on with your lives. Lets not forget, this road of life we’re on is a long one, full of twists, turns, peaks and troughs that can confound the best of us. In my opinion the best we can do is to do the best we can and in doing so hopefully make the journey as pleasurable as possible for you and your fellow travellers. This is our life and you only get one.

Ah! But hang on a minute! If you life your life in suffering then surely another life awaits you that’s better for your suffering in this one, right?


You’re born. You live a few years. You die.

That’s it really. Its what’s in the middle that counts to me, because living your life in deliberate denial, eternal penance and fear of judgement is the worst possible way to spend any time at all, let alone your whole life. I can have no love for any supposed loving celestial creator who’s overriding interest is in the prevention of masturbation, the surety that his closest adherents will never reproduce and the constant grovelling and snivelling of the rest of them. But of course, now I am a criminal for uttering such things if you, the reader decide to be outraged by them. I’m not sure if this is the first time that the measure of the severity or even existence of an offence has been left solely to the aggrieved party to decide, maybe we could use it as a template for the rest of the laws in our fair isle. How about we make murder a crime only if the aggrieved party complains that they are outraged post factum? Or here is a better one… how about we make collapsing the country’s finances a crime if the population are suitably miffed. I’m pissed off about that one for sure, but where is the law protecting my sensibilities from outrage about the fact that the country has been brought to its knees by a circle of goons bent on protecting themselves and their friends at all costs? Why does the outrage of some god botherer why may be forced to even consider the fact that their imaginary friend doesn’t exist come before the fact that thousands of the rest of us have been outraged about being forced to consider loosing our jobs, homes and even families because of the mess we’ve been dumped in by the people who are now more concerned with legislating to criminalise the likes of me without casting a thought towards any sort of punishment for those who have not merely offended sensibilities, but have destroyed lives in deed?

Again, we have been shown outstanding ineptitude, short sightedness and populist claptrap instead of the leadership, bravery and governmental fortitude required to tear this island kicking and screaming into the twenty first century. God knows we need it.

Government stupidity and arrogance

Its all about spin, you see. Its not about what’s in the report on the Irish economic crisis, its how you read it and how you lie about it to people who haven’t read it. Its about telling people that they can’t have cancer screening services because they are better off without them. Girls can’t be vaccinated against cervical cancer because they are better off not being. Increased taxes are not being put into job creation because there are better places to put the money that have no benefit to the public who are paying it. The Catholic Church don’t have to compensate the victims of institutional abuse because the richest organisation in the world needs the Irish taxpayer to bail them out too, the consequence of which being that after being paid off by the state the victims have no more recourse against the perpetrators of the stain on Irish society which will can only be remembered as a holocaust perpetrated against the poor, defenceless and most needy in our society, perpetrated for the good of the children who were better off away from parents who the church deemed unable to care for them. Of course, this is for the good of the victims so as not to have the indignity of a day in court thrust upon them. It’s about not giving a damn about people loosing their homes in favour of legislating to protect defaulters from jail only when it became a reality for the powerful. Its about taking money necessary to educate our children, feed our hungry, provide health care for our poor, and heat our elderly and redirect it to protect the interests of the people who will only have need of such things if they are allowed to suffer the losses that their own gambles have accrued. Its also very much about watching the Irish economy go down the pan while sending the already over-stretched state police force to protect the interests of the multinational that Bertie Ahern handed all our national natural resources to for nothing in Co. Mayo. It’s about watching billions and billions worth of oil and gas sail away from our shores on tankers flying a big fuck you flag to the people who will see nothing from it, bar the VAT the government will receive out of all our pockets when Shell sell our own gas back to us. 

I have a major issue with anyone who pisses away ever penny they have been entrusted with by others (you, me and everyone else who has ever contributed a cent in tax to support our country and social order), and then expect the same others to dig even deeper to cover their arses when they fuck it up.

The Television licence

The television license fee was introduced as a way to fund the national broadcaster, RTE. Back in the day, a fair few people didn’t own a television, so they assumed it fair enough for people who owned one to contribute to the viewing, rather than pay for it out of the public finances thus charging people who didn’t have access to the national broadcaster an unfair fee. Fair enough.

I own a television, but I don’t have RTE. I have a satellite dish that picks up free to air Italian television so Mrs Orgasm can have access to some of her native culture. Personally, I don’t care much for television. I think its a distraction from more fulfilling (for me) pursuits as well as being a unidirectional method of disseminating important information regarding global and national affairs. Television has been the tool of choice of opinion manipulators over the last half a century, and I for one don’t trust the motives of news editors and social commentators who are depending on the powers they are supposed to be casting a critical eye over for their funding. Look at the grovelling RTE did after they dared to run a report about someone else who took the piss out of our glorious leader HRH Brian Cowen. But that’s just me. All this notwithstanding, I don’t see why I should contribute to an organisation that supply me with nothing. I’m paying the price of my admission ticket regardless of having no interest in or method of viewing the show. I don’t see why.

So there you have it. There is also the question of people who vote “No Opinion” in sky news text polls, the issue of how I broke my surfboard and the tall tale of how I may be singularly resposible for two very nice Canadian people running away scared out of Ireland. But they are other stories, for other days.

Up Munster.

Down? How About a Kick in the Nads!

27 04 2009

As if we didn’t have enough problems. Scumbags running the day to day affairs of our towns a cities, scumbags in suits taking money from our wages to keep them rich, inept and corrupt officials using Joe Public as a piggy bank, more people loosing their jobs than you can shake a stick at, people coming out of hospitals sicker than when they went in with hunger and poverty being all the rage these days.

Now to top it all off we have an impending global flu pandemic.


Like we really need another way in which the government can be useless. Mary Harney has been doing her best to dismantle the health service for the last few years, preferring to spend money on shafting BUPA so Sean Quinn (who incidentally doesn’t seem to be subject to “Risk Equalisation”) could diversify out of Anglo.

A few years back they issued us all with iodine pills in case of a nuclear attack. Remember that? Just vaporised by a lunatic Muslim? No bother! Here’s an iodine pill for you. That’ll sort you right out. Now I can see them cancelling mass or something equally vapid and useless for the sake of being seen to be doing something without actually having done anything at all to save lives that might in any way cost them any money, the bastards.

I’m actually half looking forward to seeing how much of a balls they make out of handling this, should it reach here. This country has become a parody of itself. Thick Mick just blew his first pay cheque and now he cant afford to go to the doctor. You know, it would probably be hilarious if it wasn’t so fucking infuriating.

End Game

14 04 2009

I remember sitting home last year watching a rugby international and trying to get The Bean interested in it. Ireland were playing Canada in Thomond Park. Keith Earls scored a fine try the first time he got his hands on the ball in his first international. Outstanding stuff. Ireland trounced them in effective, if not rather an ugly fashion. Of course, The Bean was coming up on eighteen months old. Try as I might there were mega-blocks to be chewed, walls to be crayoned and many, many things to be thrown into the toilet. There just wasn’t the time for rugby in his busy evening which came to an end shortly after with bath, a visit to the tooth brush and an attentive tucking in.

In his cosy world he has no concept of the other thing that happened that night. Later, as he slept safe and sound in his warm bed.

A man. A short chase. A gunshot. Darkness.

We all awoke to the news. We were horrified. Somewhere inside of us we probably knew that this was going to happen eventually. It was only a matter of time before someone got caught in the crossfire. As terrible as the thought may have been, we got on with our lives regardless all the same, on many levels not really giving a shit because all this was happening in another world we never ventured into. Well now this world had ventured into ours. As unwelcome as it was uninvited. Like it or not we had death and violence thrust onto our doorsteps by people who were now testing new boundaries. Like a child will see how close he can get to the fire before he is told definitively to stay away, or gets burned, Limerick’s underclass were now in new territory. Right on the hearth, waiting to see where the heat was going to come from.

I’ve said many times before that criminals, like politicians, like bankers and builders, will operate within the parameters they are allowed to by wider society. Bear this in mind as you read on.

Maybe I was being overly optimistic at the time, but it seemed like the national outrage at the time might have started ringing bells in higher up places. In places with the tools to take action and try to close these people down. But, as it turns out all we had was the same hot air from the same people meaning the same thing.


In proof of this point, yesterday I drove past the funeral of a man who was shot in the back because his brother testified against one of the people involved in Limerick’s drug wars. After Shane was murdered we were promised action. All we got was a slap in the face from the criminals to remind of our place and the fact that there will always be ways for them to get to us should we be brave enough to take a stand. Shane died in a case of mistaken identity. They thought he was one of them. Last week Roy Collins was deliberately targeted as an outsider. As an innocent man. He was deliberately killed so that you, me and all our kind will know not to get in the way of the drug dealing scumbags who have now shown in no uncertain terms that THEY run this city, and they, and only they will be the arbiters of who deserves to live and die on their streets.

We heard the usual shit from the usual people but I have no faith in them anymore. I ‘m sure they’ll do nothing just as they have done nothing to save us from economic collapse, job loses and failing health and education services. As we have been told to tighted our belts to save ourselves from bankruptcy and reposession we will be told to bolt our windows and doors to protect ourselves from the scum that they allow to run our streets.

I’ve gone beyond being angry about it, and I think that’s the wider problem. We have accepted it. This is now normal behaviour from the criminal fraternity. Innocent people who want to protect their families, neighbourhoods and business interests are now legitimate targets. The boundaries have been extended and now society’s delinquents have a new field to play in which we, the wider society, have opened up to them through collective inaction.

Shame on us all.

Hindsight is Always 20/20

25 03 2009

I see Limerick’s latest gangland death was the recipient of a volley of shots in salute to him during his procession through St Mary’s Park last night. I also read this morning he was laid out in his bullet proof vest.

Shame he didn’t have the foresight to purchase a matching hat.

The End.