Happy Blasphemy Day.

14 05 2009

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in celebration of free expression and in protest at the constitutional protection given to baseless superstition. You see, my god is bigger than your god. Its a fact. I’ve worshipped at many alters over the years, and all of them were bigger than your god too. Some of them embarrassingly so.

When I was a young lad I began to have certain urges. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’d never condone violence against a member of the clergy, and I’d certainly never claim to be doing the right thing in beating people who didn’t agree with me, but there was a certain Jesuit what got boxed fairly often though I doubt I’ll be going to hell for it. Or blind. Even back then, my god was bigger than your god.

As the years rolled on, my parents bought me my first guitar and I figured out rather quickly that chords were not just something used to bind unbelievers to the rack for punishment, and even better, it had a strange effect on fetching young ladies who I could get to help me with that Jesuit afore mentioned. Now that there was more than just myself choking vicars, my god was definitely bigger than your god. Not to mention making much more frequent apparitions to open minded ladies.

Many were the churches I prayed in, and many were the all night pilgrimages I took in pleasing my god, and often my god would wake me up in the mornings for a quick spot of confession, and at this stage, my god was bigger and had seen more of Limerick than most other gods.

Late one night, my god visited a lady and said unto her,

“Thou shall bear me a son”

And lo, a son was born unto the world.

He is still only two, so plenty of time for miracles yet, but none the less I’m pretty chuffed about the work I carried out in the name of my god.

My god certainly loves me. And he’s bigger than yours.


I Agree with the Catholic Church

18 03 2009

Here is some wisdom for you.

Its a quote by the pope on a visit to Africa.

The Catholic Church teaches that fidelity within heterosexual marriage and abstinence are the best ways to stop Aids.

I agree, your… Hatness, or whatever. I’m not sure. But I definitely agree that fidelity within heterosexual marriage (assuming your partner wasn’t infected before you got married) and abstinence are the best ways to stop aids

I agree with another fact.

If your wall is dirty the best way to stop it being dirty is to paint it.

How about that? All clear so far? Cool.


Lets take it a step further.

Say your wall has pipes running through it, or underneath it, and one of them springs a leak. Of course you realise as soon as the marks appear again that you can paint the wall all you like but the watermarks that caused it to be dirty are going to return before the new paint has dried. So you realise, as would most people of approaching normal cop on that you need to get to the root of the problem, fix the causes and maybe chase out the pipes to repair them (which will be a pain in the hole but its the only solution), then fix up your wall, paint it and Roberts your mothers brother.

In short, you realise that your solution isn’t working and even though you don’t like what you have to do you are smart enough to realise that it needs to me done and you are big enough to do it. Let me break it down even further.

Walls. Dirty.

Aids Epidemic – Real

Paint – Metaphor

People – Suffering

Children – Dying/orphaned/abused


Preaching a doctrine you know hasn’t helped, and using your political clout to enforce it to the detriment of the people who will follow you blindly because they believe in you and trust in you is simply nothing short of abuse of that trust and belief and, frankly, criminal. Its 2009. Not 1422. Lets wake up and get with the program Benny. Your policy has been failing for 20 odd years and only serves to worsen the problem. The Aids epidemic in Africa is the result of complex social, political and environmental problems you probably don’t understand and as such the best thing you could do is look to the rest of the world where awareness and responsible sexual behavior with condom use at its core has pretty much stopped the Aids crisis in its tracks. People are still being infected all over the world, but the problem isn’t compounded by poverty, war and plain old keeping people ignorant as it has been in Africa by priests who have no problem in letting you starve should you not happen to be Catholic.

The Catholic Church teaches that fidelity within heterosexual marriage and abstinence are the best ways to stop Aids.

In Reality,

The Catholic Church teaches that they have no problem with a good idea so long as you don’t point out to them that in order to implement the idea in any meaningful way you might have to drag them kicking and screaming out of the dark ages and possibly force them to take a self inclusive critical look at the world around them and how their lies are killing people. Who will be left to pray for you when they are all gone? But why should Benny care.

They didnt vote for him, did they?

Awsome. Awsome to the MAX.

22 05 2008

The people who go to Christian rock concerts should be locked into the concert hall and fed their bibles. I have concluded thusly.

From time to time I watch the god channel. I actually find it very entertaining. See, the nature of fanatical blind faith has always been fascinating to me. For some reason I’ve been drawn to understand it. Not just religious belief, but any sort of blind group following that sees people pitched against each other based on something unobtainable. That idea that everyone isn’t perfect, but if I do what I’m told without thinking about what I’m being told to do, without questioning the reasons… I can become closer to this ideal. The idea that perfection resides in all of us, but only this ideal can realize it. And in order to approach the ideal you have to completely surrender your will to this higher power. Or rather the person who claims to represent it. To question is the ultimate heresy. To follow blindly and believe is the road to ultimate piety, and the madder the things you believe and the more extreme lengths you are willing to go to demonstrate your ability to follow and act without question the more kudos you are entitled to. You don’t get anything for it mind you, if anything you get less because you are happy to sleep on cold concrete and give your suffering up for your love of whoever you are trying to achieve perfection through.

What brought me to think about this was a concert on the god channel on Monday evening. Now, in all fairness the band were not bad. Good musicians, competent singers… they had a nice sound. They could have been any band playing anywhere to any audience. The only difference, and I’ve noticed this of most ‘inspirational’ outfits, was that they seemed to be repeating themselves constantly, saying things like “give yourself to him”, and ”you need to believe” constantly. And while they were singing this over relaxing mellow music the audience were standing there, eyes closed, hands raised and swaying from side to side as if in some sort of trance. Now its fairly obvious what’s going on here. I won’t deny anyone the right to believe what they want to. Neither will I deny them their right to believe I’m wrong about it, but when your opinion and beliefs come from these sorts of mass self hypnosis sessions with people drilling this message repeatedly into your head, then I think you need to commit the cardinal sin and think about why you believe what you do. The trouble is, no one can ever give you a good reason for their belief. It’s about faith you will be told, you will also be told that it is true because their faith tells them it is and that’s all the thinking they need to do about it, which basically boils down to this;

I’m right because I think I am.

Now, everyone thinks they are right. Which is fair enough. However, if I have a contradicting opinion to you, and we discuss it, I’m going to ask you to back up your opinion with facts and figures, then I will back up my opinion with my facts and figures. Maybe we are both half right, and our biases have swayed us in separate directions as far as the semantics are concerned, but at least we will be able to make a lucid case as to why we hold the opinions we do, and not just assume that because I ‘believe’ my opinion to be true I can claim sanctuary from criticism simply because I believe it.

In my perfect world, people have a rational basis for their thought process, but I think in reality people will always look to their hearts before their heads. We are, by definition, an emotional animal, prone to follies of the imagination and as such will always be open to influence. However, I think its time we started to open it all up to the same codes of intellectual scrutiny that we apply to everything else before we start feeding it to our children as infallible truth. If Bronze Age myths are your thing then work away with them. You’ll excuse me if I choose not to ignore 5000 years of hard work on the part of humanity to make our lives (the ones we have now) better. 

Jesus Loves You, for a nominal fee.

14 03 2008

LL Cool J, the American rapper who abbreviated his name from Ladies Love Cool James when it became too stupid for even him to tell people with a straight face, has gone on record as saying he gives ten percent of his earnings to God. Yes. That’s right. He pays tithes in the form of 10% of earnings to the church because he reasons its only because of God that he has gotten this far. Now this has finally made clear to me the nature of the relationship between the ghetto and The Lord. If you get famous god will enter into an arrangement with you to keep you there for ten points. Fail to pay up, and you get charged an extra point in interest for every week you fall behind. Keep forgetting to pay? Well then God sends some of the boys round for a friendly chat.

Well, that’s just fantastic. I don’t go to mass, but I’m sure I’d have heard if priests had started giving sermons in Tony Soprano accents.

Now, don’t get me wring, I’m not a fan of religion, but I do think it had a part to play in society, not least that primitive people needed to think they were being watched in order to behave, for the greater good when the greater wasnt that great, and what we seem to be left with is the twisted and fiercly misguided remnance of a good idea. Play Nice Kids. Now we just have hokum, pomp and ceremony. I normally attribute the rise of pseudo religeous belief systems such as Reike, Astrology and all that to the decline in the traditional churches. I think that some people need something bigger than them to feel is between themselves and reality and, most of the time, to blame things on. Going back millenia people blamed a bad harvest on the local hag and threw her in the river to let the gods know that they were listening. Of course, these days people are supposed to be way smarter, thus less prone to casting out the local idiot so we can get more milk from the goats or whatever people milked in those days. These days we like to think of ourselves as more cultured, and more in tune to how the world around us works, so we don’t really need all this superstition and myth. A better man than me one remarked (and I’m paraphrasing, because if there is a better man than me anywhere I want him found and shot immediately) that the problem with the decline in religion is the fact that when people stop believing in God they will start believing in anything. And its actually very true. People spend a fortune on Psychics, who read tarot cards and shite on about how G is important to you, the victim looks unsure, so they say no, actually its becoming clearer now… an… eh…. is there older gent that’s important to you? So instead of saying, well you tell me, your supposed to be the fucking psychic, the victim says why yes! my father passed away suddenly in 1987, how did you know! and they run off and tell all their friends that the psychic was able to tell them that their dad died of a stroke in 1987, when in fact they told you nothing of the sort. They generalised and fished for information and you filled in all the blanks yourself.  

I’m always intrigued by this. Someday I’m going to visit one of these charlatans just to see what they ask me and what they can tell me about when I start making up answers.

I’m tired of people telling me I’m cynical. I’m not at all cynical. I’m actually very optimistic. I look on the bright side always and I rarely see problems, but I frequently see solutions. I’m lucky in the sense that I don’t need religion to bury my head in when times get tough, I don’t like the idea of shirking my responsibility towards myself and my surroundings. I feel we all have a responsibility to ourselves and each-other to try and rise above superstition and learn to take responsibility for what is essentially ours. Our world, our lives, our children, our helpless and in need. LL Cool J may think that prayer has filled his pockets, but I have yet to meet anyone who can tell me honestly that prayer has ever stopped them from being hungry, or cold, or homeless, or destitute. Its only ever made them feel better about being cold, homeless and desittute, which on closer inspection may be the whole point. I have some religious relatives who tell me that it has helped them cope and they would feel empty without God with them all the time. Well, all I have to say to that is that if you cant cope without your imaginary friend then maybe its because you don’t have enough real ones.

Its the people you can see who make a difference.