A: To make my life difficult.
See, I’ve been studying for exams the last while and hence not shitting on about nothing here as much as I’d like to. Work. Parenting. Running the insane asylum I call my house. Learning a book. You name it kid. Something is going to have to take a back seat for a while so I can keep one step ahead of the recession by achieving a professional qualification and receive a vial of Bill Gateses blood in the post to smear on my first born in a moneygrabbing ritual of making as many years as you like in college completely worthless.
Yeah yeah we know you worked your arse off.
Yeah yeah we know you have years of experience.
Yeah yeah we know you could probably work here with your eyes closed.
But Wait! Did you fork out four grand and stick in another few years for a separate certificate from a third party that says you can do what you have been doing for the last ten years?
Right so fuck off.
And no doubt when everyone has a professional certification that’ll be worthless too, so the whole sad circle begins again.
Colour me cynical but I find it hard to see professional certifications as anything but a cash cow for the people issuing them. Not a bad money spinner in fairness, but one that speaks very much to the buzz word spouting corporate managers who know nothing about what the people they hire are supposed to be doing exactly, but recon because someone else said they could do it then they must be competent without ever having to take responsibility for the output of the worker in question. Rather than a rigorous selection process they just look for a certificate, negating the need to actually see how people might fit in and adapt first. In thinking about it, maybe workplaces might be better places if everyone got a say on who got taken on rather than some numpty who has no consideration for the fact that this person might have to sit beside me for the next few years. In fact, I think people’s CVs should have a section on hygene and eating habbits for just such a reason. Why not go all the way and intorduce a professional certification in showering before you come to work and not sucking an apple through its own skin at your desk you horrible smelly bastard.
Oh, and PS. Get a fucking haircut. You look like a hungover pineapple only with worse makeup.