Commuters were not surprised today to read nothing they didn’t already know in the early morning papers. Due to the nationwide discretion of perverts and the hitherto good character of most politicians in the current cabinet, hard pressed journalists were forced to fill their columns with stories of medium wide ranging interest based on general hearsay, common assumption and some baseless conjecture.
Where most readers would normally hope to find mildly ire raising stories on corruption and scandal in political, business and sporting circles, this morning offered nothing more than speculation on the web surfing habits of a local man with diminished mental capacity and a mildly defamatory commentary on a local publican known to be up to no good. Local papers were hardest hit, due to lack of funding to cover potential libel cases, however the editor of one local publication commented that due to their limited circulation the chances of any major celebrity ever finding out they were actually slandered are slim.
Although hopes remain high within journalistic circles for an upswing in anti social activity, most writers plan on spending the remainder of the day sitting in Limerick Courthouse with a view to needlessly padding out low level larceny cases and building up the reputation of what were up untill now ignorable youths in hoodies.