Dont Believe the Hype. Or do. Whichever.

26 02 2008

I hate the news. I actually do. Its not that I have a problem with the fact that people come on the telly to tell you whats going on in the world, its that I have a problem with the fact that people come on the telly to tell you anything that they think will make you tune in and hopefully stay put for the ads. As I type, a whole world is going about its business outside my window. I don’t think the world is an inherently bad or malicious place, but neither do I think it is inherently altruistic or good. I think its simply indifferent. People will go on about the importance of giving, and how we need to look out for one another in order to make the whole thing work, and in fairness people do give, but why do they do it? Is it to make things better for other people or to make themselves feel better for having given it?

Anyway, today I am annoyed at the news because it masquerades as something that it isn’t, and it has led people to believe that it (television news channels in particular) exist to bring you news. When it obviously doesn’t. Its the other way round. It doesn’t want to bring news to you, it wants to bring you to its advertisers and employs some very clever ways in which to do so, like sending lads out to war zones to take pictures of other lads out killing each-other for our betterment, and somehow they manage to do this without any of us ever seeing and actual dead people. Well, no messy ones anyway. But the thing is, normal people have a healthy appetite for information, and so we will turn on the news in order to get some. Or open a paper, with newspapers our predicament worsens, and they have the decency to be openly partisan with the likes of John Waters and watsis name from the indo (there are two of them actually) telling us that bloggers are stupid when in essence they do the very same thing, only they feel better about themselves for doing it because someone is stupid enough to pay them in the belief that people read their spew for any reason other than to instill a little hope that there are people worse off than me on a Monday morning.

I think the idea is to get your info from as many sources as you can and try to come to a conclusion and derive your opinions from what you read combined with what you know about human nature and humanity itself.  For example, my better judgement tells me that politicians are self serving and self absorbed. My instinct tells me lawyers crave validation. My hope in humanity tells me the nuclear weapon was, nay, must have been invented for some grander purpose, and my humble knowledge of geography tells me that there must be an island remote enough to fit them all on together.

 Now THAT’s news you can use…


award. AWARD.

22 02 2008


So the 876th annual academy awards are on the way, or so an ad told me last night. Clint Eastwood will be there. Which is nice, considering he’s been at them all since the start. The show will be beamed live to two billion people worldwide and all the stars will be there to humbly accept accolade or graciously accept defeat in whats sure to be a spectacular ballet of organisation, quotation, touching speeches and thrills for the whole of the Hollywood set.

Meanwhile, in the real world, two billion people with no friends will be staying in to look at a big pile of plastic surgery ridden, vacuous, undernourished, undereducated, self important, bloated, ego-maniacal, litigious (oops!) namby pamby people waffle on about how great they all are and give each-other a big pat on the back for essentially achieving nothing bar the helping of said two billion arses in geting fat from sitting on chairs to stare at said plastic surgery ridden, vacuos, undernourished, undereducated, self important, bloated, ego-maniacal, litigious (oops!) namby pamby people. In seriousness, who cares? What do any of these people contribute to your life? Who’s life is actually empty to the extent that they want to know more than you about what award some person they will never meet who lives on the other side of the planet won and what they won it for? And who in their right mind would be tired going into work because they stayed up late to look at this grool? Because that’s exactly what it is. It stops you from being hungry but offers nothing in the way of solid nutrition or anything that could be remotely useful bar the offering of equally useless fashion tips for equally plastic surgery ridden, vacuos, undernourished, undereducated, self important, bloated, ego-maniacal, litigious (oops!) namby pamby people to get their picture taken in at the opening of a fucking envelope in The Clarion. You know who I’m talking about.

I think the whole bruhaha about the Oscars (see what I did with the pic there??) offers us an insightfull peek into modern life and how we have become dependant on the one way transmission of ideas and opinion for the forming of our own opinions and the basis for our lifestyles. Remember when Friends first landed on our shores? Every bird had ‘that’ Rachael hairdo, ‘How you doin’ became a bone fide pick up line, and I’m not even going to start on that whole WASAAAAAAP shite that was hawked into our living-rooms in a beer ad. On the surface it may seem fairly innocent, but in reality we have become a society that doesn’t seem to function independently anymore. We depend on news reporters and (get this) ‘Thought Gurus’ to tell us our opinions and give us our ideas about what it means to be modern or what we should think about the societal whinge du jour, then everyone is telling you what their opinion is. I wonder how many of these people can tell you WHY their opinion is?

It seems the tabloids turned to television just in time to save us from the demise of the Church, but that’s another blog, for another day.

So I ask you to ask yourself… what do you know about the lives of the people in your favourite television program? Now ask yourself, whats your next door neighbours name?

I think my point is clear.

Buy Dogfood, or the Puppy Gets It

20 02 2008

Watching TV today, during one of the ‘in’ moments while I was drifting in and out of paying attention to the ads telling me to consolidate my loans, or sue people, one ad caught my attention.

Apparently, that old staple of the mutt, Pedigree Chum are now telling us that for every can of dogfood we buy they will donate some cash to save an impounded pooch from the exhaust pipe. How nice of them. However, it doesnt take a huge leap of imagination to work out that what they’re REALLY saying is if you dont buy our product this dog is going to die. And it will all be your fault.  I ran straight out and bought a load of kitticat. I dont actually own a cat, but I refuse to be held to ransom by marketing types.


Chum. Chunky chunks of prime meat made from the dogs they had to kill because you didnt buy enough the last time they warned you. You MONSTER.

Locals Enraged By Smartarse Architecture

19 02 2008

Read the rest of this entry »

Everone is an asshat

19 02 2008


Everyone is an asshat. Think of a person. Anyone.


 Yes, even YOU. YOU are an asshat, and I’m an asshat too.

The reason everyone is and asshat is, well, you know what? Im not going to bother telling you. You know why? Coz your an ASSHAT.


Gutentag der planeten!

19 02 2008


Huzzah! Ist mien blog! Chocken full der boobencuppen unt joken der farten unt poopen.

Wilcommen unt der blog, unt rememberen vot heir doctor orderten. Ist unt preferenhaven ein bird int das handen, nien zwei birden ist der bushen.