In other news, the recession can go fuck itself.
I’m sick of hearing about it. Every morning I turn on the radio in the car. Doom this. Gloom that. Woe betide us all for the taxman cometh and he taketh thine kidneys and deposit thee in a bath full of ice with a brief note outlining why you are there and a mobile for you to call an ambulance.
But wait a minute, I’m fucking poor anyway, and the more I think about it, the more I realise I’ll be devastated about having to miss all those nights out I never had in the first place. Not to mention all the holidays I didn’t go on and the swanky car, hefty mortgage and the coke habit I could never afford to begin with. I’ll sure be missing all those high class society parties I was never invited to and as for the fur coat collection I don’t have, like the peacocks that don’t live in the grounds that don’t surround the stately home I don’t live in, I guess not having it will mean I wont have to be gutted about the lot of it getting taken off me because of the recession. Me, you and most of the rest of us will have to make a few minor adjustments to settle back into a life less complicated by multiple credit cards, over draughts, whopping great mortgages on overpriced shoe boxes next door to someone the health board gave the house to for free and this insane competition to out bling our equally vapid and nouveaux pretentious neighbours.
I think the biggest problem we have to face is the fear we don’t know why we are feeling. Stop for a second. Take a deep breath, breath in some perspective. We are all borne from a very, very long line of very successful ancestors who we know all lived long enough to rear our more recent ancestors and that every one of them got the ride at least once in their lives, no doubt an epic success in itself in a time before dentists.
Now think about it.
You, your parents, your grand parents, their grand parents, their great great great grand parents before them. Your relatives who stayed put and had the wherewithal to get themselves through the famine, by hook or by crook. Your late relations who, generation after generation outsmarted the foreign armies and plagues that came to take those who would have no descendants. The people who bore your genes about the time Brian Boru was giving the vikings the jabs. The people who bore my genes about the time the pyramids were being built and before, and further back, a hundred thousand millenia ago there were creatures alive that went about their daily grind carrying the genes that their descendants would one day use to produce you and me, here today, geared up with all the smarts that got them all to where you are now.
And now the newspapers would have you believe that all that is going to fall apart because a few crooks raided the treasury.
OH NOES!!!
Come hell or high water we will survive by calling on the rights we have all inherited through the toll of the billion deaths that our lineage outsmarted. The radio and the papers can have their recession. They can keep their gloom.
I’m off down to the shop to buy an icepop.
Who wants one?
