If Schrodinger was a Rugby Pundit…

…I’m sure he’d be fapping like a mad yoke about Paul Warwick today.

I dont for a second propose to put a fine man like Paul into a box with a bottle of poison and a radioactive isotope, because I like Paul. I had to stop my son eating Paul’s dog’s shite outside Supervalue a few weeks ago and he was very nice about it all. I didnt kick the dog, or the child, or the shite for that matter but none of that was indeterminate. There was shite, a bulldog, a small child and a rugby player. There was no probability quagmires and certainly so shite getting eaten. Quite unlike today.

London Irish seem to be digging their heels in, withdrawing the announcement then putting it out again, Munster are saying nothing at all and Supervalue have yet to be contacted.

So at this moment Paul Warwick will be playing both for Munster and London Irish next year in a fantastic new era in Quantum Rugby.

I cant wait.

Tony McGahan will be fired and Albert Einstien will be hired instead, seeming as he IS in a box and thus neither alive nor dead.

Either way, its all relative.

Puh-LEASE.

I’m fucking fed up. I’ve just been trying to explain to my Fiancé via email why people are not out waving pitchforks and dragging bankers and politicians by the feet behind a battered Hilux but I just cant think of a good reason.

She comes from Italy, and wants to know why she has to pay a levy  because of political incompetence and the fact that the banks are managed by people who, were they managing banks anywhere else would be in jail by now. I cant answer her questions. I just don’t know how to explain it.

We, the rogered, have taken it upon ourselves to make our own lives harder in order to finance the likes of  Brian Cowen in their mad schemes aimed at keeping their buddies from going under and possibly revealing the full scale of the goings on in Anglo Irish Bank. One major stakeholder invested half a billion quid into the bank back when it appeared at least to be worth something. 

Did he rally a team together to generate the capital through shrewd investments?

No.

Did he redirect dividends from any of his other ventures to raise the funds?

Did he fuck.

He borrowed the money from Anglo Irish Bank.

That’s right.

HE BORROWED THE MONEY FROM THE COMPANY, THEN USED THAT SAME MONEY TO BUY SHARES IN THE SAME COMPANY. 

Now, I want you to do me a favour. Call it for science, like. I want you to find someone you know from another country. Say, France or England or somewhere like that. Maybe even Poland. Then, you sit them down and give them a brief run-through of whats been going on in a non essential organisation. The directors loans hidden from the auditors, the insanely liberal lending policies that led one borrower to claim he didn’t want the loan of eight million and when he told the bank that he had no capacity to repay they gave it to him anyway, the very fact that the bank could be wound up without any real consequence to anyone but the developers who were instrumental in destroying it in the first place. Remember, these developers are now looking at launching legal action against the banks because they claim the banks shouldn’t have authorised the loans that they applied for, which is absolutely fucking mental in itself.

Now explain to them why the government is nationalising this bank at the cost of €3 billion to the tax payer. Bear in mind, the bank is currently worth less than €200 million (my figures are probably skewed, but my journalism will stop being lazy the day I start getting paid for it).

Now explain to them why it seems sensible to hock all the money to Anglo Irish, and in doing so have no money left over to prop up AIB and BoI, the collapse of which will spell ruination for everyone. Meaning YOU. Your employer wont be able to pay your wages and even if they can, where are they going to pay them to? If you are self employed you can kiss goodbye to your business because you will be short of cash to meet new orders, relying on prompt payment from customers who cant find the money to pay you in order to keep your head above water.

Cant explain it? Me neither.

Absolute disaster is on the horizon unless fast action is taken to stop the Jobs for the Boys mentality of the people in government and on the banking boards.

I’m fed up of wankers trying to tell me I need to pay for it, that we must all shoulder the burden.

Cowen, Lenihan, Harney, Ahern, McCreevy, the lot of you can shoulder my hole for the mess you’ve made. The only thing I got from the “Celtic Tiger” was hope. No mortgage because by the time I wanted one it was clear to me that the whole thing was built on shite. No credit card because I am smart enough to realise that 17.5% APR is a fucking rip in any mans language. No personal loans because I realised years ago that if its not a car or a house if you have to borrow for it you cant fucking afford it. Hope was all I thought I needed.

You’ve taken it from us all and replaced it with a fist full of fuck ye all ye should have known better. Now you expect us to shoulder the burden of your myopia, your arrogance and your incompetence. Shoulder it yourselves. Fall on your swords and sign on for the €150 odd a week like the rest of the poor souls you have left spinning to the dole que in your wake.

They are fed up too. But sure you all know what your doing. Feathering your own nests at the expense of my future. Why should you care. You’ve grown fat on our demise and you have no intention of dieting, have you now?

Let Them Eat Cake

The BBC and Sky Television have refused to broadcast a national humanitarian appeal for aid for the people affected by the recent war on Gaza. The children who are left to drink from open sewers. The doctors with no medicine. The men and women who’s homes are now piles of rubble and faces have been burned by the white phosphorus shells. The BBC have cited impartiality issues and Sky had the following to say;

“Our commitment as journalists is to cover all sides of that story with uncompromising objectivity. That is why, after very careful consideration, we have concluded that broadcasting an appeal for Gaza at this time is incompatible with our role in providing balanced and objective reporting of this continuing situation to our audiences.”

So there it is. Feeding the starving and healing the injured are incompatible with balanced reportage.

I’m just off the phone with Sky.

I’ve cancelled my subscription. I’d like to cancel my sub to the beeb but seeming as it comes with the Sky package I wont be watching that either.

Its not much, but there you have it. I wont be complicit in any way.

Looks like it’ll be the pub for the Heineken Cup matches from here on in…

A Home Quarter for Easter Weekend

Huzzah!

After a very convincing performance in Montauban yesterday we can look forward to a Heineken Cup quarter final in our very own city over the Easter weekend. We will be up against the (Neath Swansea) Ospreys who will no doubt bring along plenty of vocal support for their fine team.

In 2006 and 2008 I travelled to Wales for Heineken Cup finals to help support Munster to two excellent victories and I have to say, I am looking forward to the opportunity to return some of the hospitality, warmth and generosity that was so willingly shown to us by everyone we met on both occasions. 

The Ospreys were formed in 2003 when the Welsh Rugby Union voted to reduce the number of top tier sides from nine club sides to five regions in order to increase the talent pool available to sides competing at European level. The model has already proven successful in Ireland (in fairness, how far do you think we could get putting Garryowen or Young Munster into the HEC?) and the Southern Hemisphere nations and with the Welsh uptake of the system it has certainly improved the calibre of the entire competition, albeit at the cost of some local blood rivalries!

In the meantime we have the Six Nations breaking up the momentum of the squads, so lets hope that the lads can come out of it in the right frame of mind to continue their winning ways into the knockout stages and set up the chance for two in a row in Edinburgh in May.

Is it just me?

Or is the idea if having a morbidly obese woman in charge of the health service a bit mental?

Would it be acceptable to have a thief  as minister for finance?

Oh..

Hang on….

Limerick – Living for the City

Ok, so ripping off Paddy Casey’s lyrics notwithstanding, Limerick is the city in which I live along with my family and friends. We get our fair share of shite in the media (some deserved, some not so) but despite it all some people are making a go at turing the image of the city around and giving people reasons to be proud of what we have and where we are from. With the ever increasing crowds being drawn to Limerick through events such as Riverfest and our increasingly popular St Patrick’s celebraitions, not to mention the countless thousands who flock to our very own Thomond Park to witness the atmoshpere and pride associated with match weekends, Limerick and her people are constantly redefining what it means to live and work in the Riverside City.

Adding momentum to this trend, a group of limerick’s best and brightest are instigating five monthly episodes aimed at showcasing the best that Limerick has to offer.  Living For the City is a wide ranging series of events aimed at putting a spotlight on the best that Limerick as to offer, all in aid of Limerick Youth Service, which since 1973 has been offering training and social services to young people from in and around the city, encouraging social, personal and educational development among young school leavers.

In a city that has borne the brunt of the worst that social deprivation can cough up, I’m sure you will agree this is a worthy cause indeed.

For more information and a full timetable of events, visit www.livingforthecity.eu

Self Defence? You decide.

Now that the dust is settling in Gaza some very harsh reports are coming out regarding the behaviour of the IDF in Gaza over the last few weeks. I would highly recommend anyone who is interested to keep their eyes on the news over the next few weeks. I am very much looking forward to seeing what action, if any, is to be taken against Israel after its wholesale slaughter of a defenceless people. Reports surfaced regarding the IDF preventing Red Cross workers attending to dying civilians. Hear what an Israeli spokesperson has to say on the matter.

Here it is from the horses mouth.

And here is a video showing in no uncertain terms how Israel treats the children of the subjugated.

Israel needs to be called to account for its actions in Gaza. Not just for the recent offensive, but for decades of brutal internment of an entire people.

Their actions have been proven to be utterly deliberate, if by nothing more than the fact that they stopped immediately when their chief enabler lost his office. I’m hoping Mr Obama takes a more firm line with his Clients, and that the International community can use this atrocity in order to take a firmer line on whats acceptable.

Six Nations Shmix Smashuns.

On the Rugby Front, one of my favourite seasons is rolling around again. Yes, its nearly time for the RBS Six Nations. Here’s the lowdown;

Ireland: Shit

England: Shit

France: Shit

Scotland: Shit

Italy: Improving but still shit

Wales: Unpredictable, but mainly shit.

I really hope last years tournament and the Autumn Internationals have been buried by the teams and management. Now, I realise we are in year two of a four year cycle leading up to the next world cup, but come on people. We are the home of the current Magners League title holders, the Heineken Cup Champions, a powerfully resurgent Ulster and an developing Connaught and we cant string a half decent international side together. Whats going wrong? Are they trying?

I’m hoping that Deccie has a long term strategy in mind. We all know him to be a brilliant tactician and an exceptional man manager, and naming a 39 strong squad points to him putting legs on under developed players in order to build depth in the team. The Autumn Internationals just past were embarrassing, as were last years Six Nations and I’m not going to bring up the memory of WC2007, as excellent an all round tournament as it was.

BUT!, and here’s the crux of it…

I’m not too pushed about winning the wooden spoon this year if it boils down to sacrificing the short term with the goal of a world cup final in mind for 2011.

Every other team in the world seemed to be doing it in 2004, 2005 and 2006. Breaking in new players, switching combinations and gaining overall match preparedness at the cost of a few defeats from which they were all learning some valuable lessons. Eddie O’Sullivan ran out the same 15 for those same years, and while we thought we had figured out how we could be great others were figuring out how to pick us apart with deadly accuracy. When the time came to be prepared, we were destroyed through superior planning and development.

My hope is that in the three years he has available to him Kidney can build the sort of depth and adaptability we need to lift our game. He turned a provincial side previously known as the best team to have never won the Heineken Cup into two times champions through conditioning, readiness, individual accountability and above all pride in their purpose. We need that now more than ever at international level. The first 15 need to find once again the thirst that drove them to try harder than the hopefulls. Where they will get it from I’m not entirely sure, however, and the frustration is as evident in the players as it is in the fans.

One way or another, I’m hoping to see some improvement as the seasons edge their way towards 2011, as well as seeing Ireland develop along the lines required to pose a worthwhile challenge to the teams who seem to get it right more often than not.

Its not rocket science.

Its Rugby.

What has rocket science ever done for Limerick?

For the Day thats in it….

Congratulations Mr Obama. I genuinely wish you all the best in paddling your way out of the barrell of shit handed down to you by your predecessor.

Wars, famine, recession, depression, disasters and arrogance. Eight years of a ‘War Works’ policy that has come close to driving the world into chaos. The bully, the self appointed global policeman now has a new chief.

I sencerely hope you brought armbands. Or at least a seat cushion. Some sort of a floatation device will no doubt be essential once the initial high has worn off and you look at the world you now preside over and try to decide what to do.

It is clear who’s interests you will be acting in. That of the American People. The best the rest of us can hope for is that you see in the new light that the interests of the American People are one and the same as those of the rest of us. Peace, Prosperity and the chance for every individual to reach thier full potential.

The hopes of all of us stand with you today. Make it a brand new dawn for your country so that the rest of us can rise with you and clamber into the light of peace through the inclusion of all at the table of global governance.

Today we stand with you, in our common humanity, throwing off the thin disguises that have set us apart. Today America stands not as a country, or a people, but as an example of how the will of the many can change the world. As an example of how, despite the best efforts of corruption and greed, the many can have a voice in saying enough is enough.

They can shout together in saying for too long their fears have been manipulated in persuit fo something alltogether foul and demeaning.

The have shouted as one in telling the world that they will not be represented by the politics of fear and intimidation.

They have raised their voices in showing the world that, despite their differences, despite their grudges, they could stand together and when the time came to shout as one, when it was finally asked of them, their answer was as bold as it was deafening.

Yes We Can.

Back on Track? What Track?

So our glorious leaders will be making getting the economy back on track their top priority as soon as they get back from their christmas holidays.

Heres some news for you lads.

There are no tracks left.

Thats right. They’ve been ripped up and are gone. Sold off for scrap by sub-contractors looking to turn the last buck out of your smokescreen.

So, looks like ye’ll have to pour some new foundations and lay a new path altogether to get us out of the dead end we find ourselves in. There are just a few problems…

Where are you going to get the concrete from now that all your builder mates have gone bust?

Where will the money come from now that the banks have been exposed as the sham infested cronies that they are?

Where are you going to get the workers to build it for you now that the workforce is A) undereducated and B) mostly fucked off back to Poland?

If you do build it, how are you going to convince people to follow you along it given the place we ended up the last time we decided to follow you?

How are we to believe that you have the initiative to go about building anything now that the money high has worn off and we are all left blinking in the harsh light of a new day?

Time to call it a day lads. Although, as much as it pains me to try to come to terms with, I doubt the alternative have much better up their sleeve and I find it hard to see Messrs Gilmore and Kenny’s calls for a general election anything more that cynical political opportunism at its boldest.